keeping on keeping on…

It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything but post quotes du jour here, and I haven’t done even that with any regularity. Of course, if you’ve followed this blog for awhile, you know that I’ve been dealing with a cancer diagnosis since last June, so my priorities and energies have shifted dramatically to say the least. I don’t want to go into it all here, but if you’d like, you can go to my Caring Bridge site and get the details on the ups and downs I’ve been through, especially in the last six months.

With illness—and the definite possibility of my life ending from it—being front and center for me, I nonetheless continue to search for meaning in my life as it stands now and in my life that has gone before. What have I contributed? What do I/can I contribute now?

I used to worry that I couldn’t do more to save the world. Then, when I finally realized that I couldn’t, it was such a relief. I’m not a flag-waver or the kind of person who starts a movement; I’m more of a one-on-one (or two or three) kind of person. I finally decided some years back that I could do my part to save the world one person at a time, by trying to have positive interactions with the random people put in my path. (“Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you.” ~Mother Teresa) I count on the ripple effect: if I help someone have a better day, maybe that inspires them to help someone else have a better day. Of course, the drawback here is that you rarely get feedback from your efforts; most of the time you never know what effect you may have had on that person. You just have to trust.

A number of people have called me “inspiring” in the last nine months, and I wonder at that, since, over here, I often feel like I’m just hanging on by my fingernails, just trying to flow with the current of my life as it is. I suppose, though, that hanging on by one’s fingernails can be a pretty big deal sometimes, especially to others who, for whatever reason, doubt they could do the same in a similar situation. So I have to trust that whatever I do and whatever I say to people I encounter in the midst of what I’m facing these days may have some positive outcome, both for me and for them. In the end, what we can do is all we can do.

This blog is one way that I’ve been able to touch more than one person at a time, and I’m grateful for that. My time away from the blog has been understandable, but I also know that it’s as beneficial for me as it is all of you who have been kind enough to follow it. So I resolve to post more regularly, even if it’s only quotes du jour (though I found several posts in my drafts folder that are more or less complete and can be published over the next few weeks). In the meantime, thank you so much for being a part of pathwriter.


14 thoughts on “keeping on keeping on…

  1. Even though it’s clear that bodies don’t last, I’ve noticed that what we choose to do sends out ripples to everything else. Those nearest to us feel it more strongly, so I’m inspired to begin there. Thank you for your choice to search for meaning and to share.

  2. My dearest Viki, I had no idea that these last nine months have been so difficult. All I can say is that I am here for you if you ever need anyone to write to, to be heard. I will do my best. You might know that I was diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago. And it has been a journey of recovery and facing life in a brand new way. A rebirth of sorts. Thank you for sharing and for being so honest. I have always admired your authenticity. I wish you peace and most of all I wish you wholesome health. You can reach me at Hugs x

  3. We’ve both had cause to consider our own mortality these past months, Viki, you more so than me, but still, any of us could find ourselves at that gate between the garden and the wild wood at any time, our hand poised over the latch. Whether you believe in religion or physics or some part of both, we clearly go on ‘being’. We all leave ripples, and whether they be momentous or gentle is rarely our choice or even something we’ll ever know. Before these challenges came to light this past year, I happened upon the most amazing spiral staircase—leading, as it seemed, to the sky, and surrounded by shelf upon endless shelf of wondrous books. For whatever reason, or none at all, what came to me at that moment was this….

    The Dancers
    Going up or coming down,
    be not dizzy going ‘round
    On the roof or on the staircase,
    always seeking, often loving
    Let our hearts be light and true,
    never trapped nor earthly-bound
    Meet me often in the spiral,
    meet me once on hallowed ground
    There our cares shall be forgotten,
    there our sweet embrace be found
    There our final song be spoken,
    there our eulogy be sung
    Let the bells toll out our courage,
    let the mourners cry aloud
    We won’t be there, will we darling,
    we won’t stay to hear the sound
    They may linger in remembrance,
    we’ll be dancing on a cloud

  4. Oh dear Viki! I have been keeping tabs on you through your other site and you have been on my heart continually. I am happy to hear from you whenever. Contributed thoughts and prayers from you my friend!

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