remember your song

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There is a tribe in Africa where the birth of a child is not counted from when they’ve been born, nor from when they are conceived,  but from the day that the child was a thought in the mother’s mind.

And when a woman decides she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she’s heard the song, she comes back to the man who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love and physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it.

And then when the mother is pregnant, she teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song. Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person’s bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.

In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity.

When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another. A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused. If you do not give your song a voice, you will feel lost, alone and confused. If you express it, you will come to life.

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

~attributed to Wisdom of the Heart by Alan Cohen*

*pathwriter’s note: I found many versions of this story online, many of which, although slightly different from each other, credit Alan Cohen. Whatever the source, it’s a wonderful story/metaphor.

8 thoughts on “remember your song

  1. Can you imagine how special a child would feel if there was a tradition similar to this in today’s society…Most families (not all unfortunately) celebrate the life of a child/person on their birthday but what if there was a song or poem that was read every year of every celebration special to each and every one….Diane

    • I agree. What I love about this story is that there is a unique song for each child, that each child is recognized as having his or her own special qualities and is not viewed as being like all of the other children.

  2. This touched me way down in my core. Thank you for sharing this incredible story. It’s the way life is meant to be for all of us…filled with compassion, kindness, and support.

  3. This is such a beautiful story. As I continue to dream of ways to bring groups together to face the idea of change. To move towards releasing beliefs about their imperfections and move towards knowing they’re held with love and honor within the universe- this is a beautiful example that remembering or changing can be a group experience.

  4. Reblogged this on lifeandfriendship and commented:
    This beautiful story is a powerful example of a group reminding an individual that they hold a special place in the world. It is in so many ways the essence of the Life and Friendship seminars. Any belief that we are not good enough should be sung, danced, painted, meditated, laughed or played out of us until we believe again in our own perfection.

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